….woulda, shoulda, coulda….
Don’t we all have those thoughts? Do we look back and see all of the missed opportunities and have some regrets? I do, so I guess I’m no different than anyone else.
I turned 60 this year and it was a time for many reflections on my life. First of all, I had no idea how I ever got to be this age…when the hell did that happen to me? I used to be a kid. Then came the thoughts of how fast life was passing me by…. Did I do all of the things I ever wanted to do? Nah…not even close. I am, however, making up for some of it now.
I was fortunate enough to be able to be home and raise my boys. I feel they are one of my best accomplishments. I have three very successful gentlemen for sons. They’re well educated and know what it’s like to have class and manners. I’m a proud mom.
Ok, so after that’s done..then what?
I guess my biggest “woulda” is the fact that I would have liked to complete my education. I did the expected couple of years of college after high school, taking some “going absolutely nowhere” courses. My parents never went to college, and barely finished high school, so it was a necessity that their first born continue her education. And I cooperated… Although my major wasn’t anything too exciting or difficult, it did, however, pique my curiosity in art. That knowledge led to a drafting job until I had my first son, and eventually, it’s pushed me to some graphic designing on the computer.
Now that our kids are grown, many of my friends go back to teaching, or back to the business world, and I’ve pretty much done nothing but work in a sub shop. It’s a fun job, but lets face it, not high on the respect meter. My sister went to nursing school after her kids were born and I’ve always been so proud of her. She’s a great nurse and wonderful sister, I’m blessed.
There was a time when I was looking through all of the pamphlets that came in the mail from local colleges. I noticed that none of the subjects I had taken were even on them. Was my major of Art and Interior Design defunct? Was the time I spent in Color and Design with Mr. Sweeney a waste? Yeah, pretty much. I did learn about the color wheel and know how to coordinate colors…does that count for anything?
Enter the “shoulda”…. I should have taken a chance and looked into other things. What’s wrong with exploring different occupations? Am I so stuck in a rut that I can’t see myself being a Secretary or Dental Hygenist? Could I never see myself learing about being a Radiology Technologist? Apparently not because I didn’t do it. Maybe I thought that because I had once had an interest in the art field, that was all I’d ever be. So sad…. I should have branched out and looked into other things
I like to think I “coulda” done something different in my life. And I hope some young people reading this or talking to older people who encourage them, will take the chance and branch out. You never know what’s out there for you. I’m not so sure that if an older person had told me that I could do anything I wanted and should look into other interests, I’d have been receptive to their suggestions. I was, after all, in that rut I talked about. Confidence, or lack there of, has a great deal to do with it, too.
I really wish I “woulda” thought that I “shoulda” tried new things, because maybe, I “coulda” been more successful on a personal level.